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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Lessons - Part 1

She's two weeks old already and in my sleep deprived haze I can't recall where those days went. Not suprising really but then again, I never imagined just how tired I was going to find myself. Here and there I have a moment to reflect on all the things I've learned about pregnancy, labour and birth and am learning about Motherhood. Here's a few:

Lessons learned:

-birth, even if it goes according to your plan (which mine didn't of course), it is nothing like you expect

-I never knew how much I was going to miss feeling her move inside of me but I also never knew how much I was going to love holding her in my arms and gazing at her beautiful face.

-The two most amazing moments during the birth were touching her head between pushing and realizing that I was in fact pushing her out and the moment they first laid her on my chest- pure magic.

-Her first cries made me cry. I didn't think I would be a crier. But I was.

-The first thought I had when she came out was, "What a real baby?!?"

When I was still pregnant, I would have made a comment about how pregnancy loss affects every moment of your life. Now, I say that it informs these moments- not taking over, just adding a level of reflection that might not have been there before. I am not just a lost-baby mama anymore, I'm a Mom to a real in-the-flesh creature. As I felt her move inside me, even at the end, I still had moments where I couldn't quite believe it was going to happen. But it did. It's still surreal but the emotions that run through me are very real and strong and poignant.

A beautiful end to a sad story and a happy beginning of another. More later when I get a little more sleep...

7 comments:

Jamie said...

Beautiful and amazing and breath taking.

Congratulations, Mom . . .

Kristin said...

What a beautiful post. I sobbed when my post-IF baby was born. I think that is common.

areyoukiddingme said...

Beautiful post! I'm glad you got a chance to learn these lessons.

AnotherDreamer said...

Beautiful post hun, congrats again. Very wonderful.

Quiet Dreams said...

Beautiful post. I can't imagine what an amazing and overwhelming time you must be having right now. Thank you for writing some of it down.

..al said...

Wonderful realizations...and what a journey!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Thank you for sharing those poignant and heartfelt lessons. Wishing you lots of rest and good health for your new family.